Mother Nature Knocking

Last night I slept behind an abandoned building that had formerly housed a kickboxing school.  Call me superstitious, but I thought that perhaps the energy of  the former owners and students would help protect me while I slept.

I did sleep, although it was fitfully.  Last night it was about 24-27 degrees cold, and I had to sleep on a concrete slab.  I  went to sleep in my jeans and short sleeve shirt and used my leather jacket to cover my head and the upper half of my body.  I awoke about every hour to hour and a half, violently shivering form the cold.  At one point my feet must have frozen, because I had a hard time feeling them when I awoke in the morning.

When I say awoke in the morning, I don’t mean that I woke on my own.  What woke me was something landing on the top of the leather jacket right where my head was.  I was startled awake and defensively threw my jacket up and away from my head, which had the effect of startling whatever had been on top of my jacket. When I glanced up (hoping it wasn’t some rapid dog or some-such) I saw a bird flying away to land on an electric wire.  Upon landing, it turned back to me and cawed, whether in laughter or in derision I don’t know.  Perhaps it was mother nature’s way of telling me that I need to wake up and get moving.  Either way, I think that mother nature is not near out of touch with us as we are with her.

Armed for life

armed
Originally uploaded by equusignis

Ha ha!... I love this photo of my friend Son. It is so fitting of him; armed to the teeth to conquer life through art. Truly a renaissance man of life, and a traveler with a purpose (though we may not know what that purpose is).
Love ya Son

p.s. Son, if you’re reading this I need more beads. My other ones  wore out from too much use!  :)

Smoke

smoke
Originally uploaded by equusignis

I love this...not sure if the guy is trying to blow smoke up the dog’s *** or the other way around. LMAO

This is accurate…

The following is taken from the blog of a man I consider to be my very best friend.  I think at some point in the past we knew each other and were great friends then.  At times we have had the same inclinations or thoughts from opposite sides of the country.  Besides other men in my family, he is the only man I have never been, nor ever will be, embarrassed to publicly or privately say “I Love You” to. 

I am at the cusp of the end of one chapter of my life and start a new one.  There is a sense of relief because at this point i feel so broken.  It is not that i am in pieces.  I am still in one piece but it doesn't feel like it is a healthy one piece.  So change needs to happen; where it will take me i do not know.  I only know I've slowly become someone i don't remember.  Maybe I'm schizo or have multiple personalities, i really don't think it is anything that exotic.  I've just lost something and i need to figure out what it is I've lost and why and how to replace it or regain it.  In any case, change is the only certain thing and I'm looking forward to it whatever it might be.

His name is Son Dao, and I truly believe our bond is the bond of brothers.  Here is the address of his blog that I lifted the above from.  http://itwillpassreally.blogspot.com/ 

p.s. Son if you’re reading this, I love ya bro.

The Better Parts of Me

Why is it that when we are deeply in love with someone (you know the kind; love burning as brightly as the sun and so deeply felt that it overpowers you and feels like it could burn a hole in your heart) that the better parts of you tend to naturally pop their heads up out of hiding, and the winter goes away.  Joys are deeper, laughs are easier, tears flow sometimes from the seemingly most idiotic things (would you believe an episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?), and kindness takes over your actions against your will. 

Personally I don’t understand it, even though I’ve had the luck to experience it twice in my life.  Life seemed full of endless possibilities and no mountain couldn’t be jumped in two bounds, if not one.  I wasn’t superman, but had a feeling while I was in love that I could overcome anything, even my reckless past.

Perhaps it was the heartache felt when it all came crashing down and the world seemed a little uglier than when it began.  That bright burning sun turned dark and clouds formed to fuel the tears of my pain, and later my frustration and rage. 

To this day I can still acutely feel both times when the sun went away and my world became a little darker.  Have I bathed in it’s aftermath?  Has my chosen misery doomed me from ever regaining that kind of joy?  I pray not…

Seek The Light

I wonder if this is what enlightenment feels like…

My Own Private Idaho

Well, my last ride…I’m hitchhiking for those that are not aware…dropped me off in Van Horn, TX at about 10:00pm last night. I was afraid that I would have to spend another night out in the weather, but while walking down the main drag I found a Christian shelter. Stays for individuals are limited to overnight once per week, but I was planning on hitting the road the next day anyway.

It was a small place, but they let me in the door after-hours, and even gave me a private room. I was allowed to shower in the morning, and there was fresh coffee and Life cereal for breakfast. Pretty nice for someone with only a few loose coins and the drive to start life again.

An Introduction

I guess a little information as to how I got to where I am and some of the events that got me here might be helpful so that you might gain a little insight into some events in my life and how I got to this point in my life.  I guess one way is to send you initially to another blog I have been sporadically posting to. 

http://slcmanleyworld.wordpress.com

Read that blog, and then come back here.  I do a lot of bitching and complaining on that blog, but hope to be somewhat more reflective here.  Not necessarily about life, but about how life impacts me and how I respond to it.  I can’t promise that what is posted here will always relate to love, or it’s most famous expression , but I can tell you everything that happens in life impacts our ability to love;  love of self and others and how that takes form.

Later postings will reveal more about me, so be patient.  After all, it is every persons wish to be understood.  However, I hope mainly to be able to understand myself more fully and to share it with the world so that in some way I can create some form of …. personal accountability.